last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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