the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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