Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Randomize
