It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
