you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize