So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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