who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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