I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
