'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
