We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
