my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
