Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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