Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
