I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
