Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
