also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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