Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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