Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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