I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
