There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
