when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
