i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
