Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
