Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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