May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
