dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
