I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
