My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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