the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
