So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
