I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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