My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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