this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
