She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
