Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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