Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
