M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
