when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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