i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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