her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
