Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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