Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
