I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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