A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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