I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
