so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
