bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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