u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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