I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
