I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
