Barsexuality is the new black.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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