woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
