Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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