Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
