yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
