he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
