listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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