Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
