So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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