you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
