He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
