I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
