we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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