I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
