she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
sex in a hospital.. check
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
