Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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