So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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