Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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