I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What happened to fro yo and sex?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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