I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
