READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
