Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
