dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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