I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
