So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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