I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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